Only Hope
by pocoloca
Summary: Oneshot...written before I read Ptolemy's Gate, even though there are MONSTER SPOILERS! so BEWARE!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Bartimaeus, Kitty, Nathaniel, "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore, _A Walk To Remember_**,** or anything else that sounds familiar.**

**A/N: Ptolemy's Gate Spoilers. P.S, I haven't read Ptolemy's Gate, but I know what happens to Nathaniel. I went and, being the stupid girl I am, read a spoiler on a website that must remain nameless (but it wasn't I can assure you.) Anyhoo, this is a completely weird thing that popped into my head as I watched _A Walk To Remember. _That's just how random my mind is.**

Kitty Jones wandered down a lonely alley, searching for any bar that was open. She had gotten home late from work, and was desperate for anywhere she could get ahold of a bottle of booze and forget _them. _Particularily_ him._

She hadn't been right since the last day she'd last seen him. At first she was angry. Why? Why did he have to be the hero? Him and his stupid pride! After the anger had passed, she got lonely. She couldn't summon Bartimaeus, she didn't even know if he was alive. She doubted it. Why would Nathaniel send Bartimaeus to the Other Place when he had his own skin to save? Why would Nathaniel care about _Bartimaeus_? It wasn't like there was any love lost between the two. Besides, if she did try to summon him, and he didn't come, she would know he was dead, and that would plunge her into a deeper wave of despair.But the one she most missed was Nathaniel. Unlike with Bartimaeus, she knew _he _was dead. The only way out was drinking so much she couldn't remember him anymore.

As Kitty rounded yet another corner, it started to rain. Maybe two years ago, she would have been worried about what the rain would do to her hair. Now, she would walk in the rain forever, as long as she didn't spot a bar, hoping to catch pneumonia and die. Then, at least, she could be with Nathaniel.

Her despair was suffocating, and many times she had considered ending it all. But she knew that was the cowardly way out. She would be brave, like him. She would live through the pain, even though it became unbearable. She would fight.

Soon, she saw a dim light at the end of an alley. A sign. What did it say? _The Black Cat._ Finally, an open bar! A sign below it said _Thursday is Kareoke Night._ Too bad Kitty didn't sing. Well, she could. In fact, she had a beautiful singing voice. She just didn't like to, since the day _he_ died.

She rushed along the narrow alley, desperate for something, _anything_ to blot out the pain of thinking of him. A bell jingled as she opened the door and stepped inside. Someone on the stage at the other end of the bar was singing, or at least _trying_ to sing "One Girl Revolution" by _Superchick._ Even though the overweight woman singing was terribly off-key, the words spoke to Kitty.

_Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl  
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world  
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones  
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...  
_

One Girl Revolution. The girl Kitty had once been. Once. But now, as the fat lady finished the song, and was replaced by a greasy looking man in a leather jacket, Kitty realized how she had fallen. At one time, she wouldn't have been caught dead in a place like this. Once, she had dignity, and wouldn't leave her house without nice-looking clothes, her hair done, and makeup on. Now, she was a wreck. Her hair was messy, her clothes were muddy and torn, and there were dark bags under her bloodshot eyes from all those nights she had spent crying intead of sleeping.

She sat at the bar in an empty stool, and ordered her drink. The greasy man finished singing "Yesterday" by the Beatles (A/N: ME LOVE THE BEATLES!). The stage was empty. The man behind the counter, who was acting as MC, asked who would "rock the house" next. Kitty looked down. Finally, the guy gave up trying to find a next singer, and turned on the radio, with a final warning of "If anyone wants to sing, just find me!"

He turned to Kitty, and she told him what she wanted. He told her how much she had to pay, and she went for her wallet. She only had half. She looked up at the bartender. "Um... I only have..."

"Yes, I can see that." he interrupted.

"So, I guess I'll be leaving then... have a nice day, sir."

As she turned to leave, the bartender called "Wait!" Kitty waited. "Look, miss, I really don't care about your money, but..." he glanced around the bar. People were starting to leave. He leaned closer. "We're losing customers that came for good singing. At least...singing. So my offer is, if you go up there and sing a song, any song, I will give you all the drinks you want on the house. Please?"

Kitty considered. The pros were she could drink herself into oblivion for _free_. The cons were... well other than completely embarrasing herself, there were none. "Alright" she said, "I'll do it."

The bartender/MC announed Kitty, and she stepped onto the stage. A spotlight was in her eyes. She surveyed the crowd watching her. She swallowed. The music started playing. The song was "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore from _A Walk To Remember._ She had always loved that movie. But now that she could actually relate to Landon Carter, losing the one he loved the most, she coudn't stand to watch it. She closed her eyes and sang:

_There's a song that's inside of my soul  
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again  
I'm awake in the infinite cold  
But You sing to me over and over and over again_

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands  
and pray to be only Yours  
I pray to be only Yours  
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars  
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing  
and laughing again  
When it feels like my dreams are so far  
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands and pray  
To be only yours  
I pray to be only yours  
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny  
I'm giving You all of me  
I want Your symphony  
Singing in all that I am  
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands and pray  
To be only yours  
I pray to be only yours  
I pray to be only yours  
I know now you're my only hope  


As Kitty hummed the final notes, she opened her eyes to find, to her shock and eternal embarrasment, that they were moist. She was crying infront of all these people! Hopefully, there was no one she knew in the crowd. She looked over them again. Tall guy, skinny girl, bald guy, short girl... strangely familiar looking Egyptian boy looking at her and smiling. He gave her a tiny wink, a smile, and a thumbs up sign, then looked expectantly at the door as if waiting for someone. Kitty flew off the stage and was beside him in a flash.

"What's eating _you_, Miss Jones?" Bartimaeus said with a smile, seeing her astonished face. "You look like you've seen a gh- WHOA! HEY!"

He didn't finish his sentence because Kitty had flung herself at Bartimaeus and was slowly squeezing the life out of him with her hug.

"Can't breathe... Kitty... GET OFF!" she didn't. "Fine then..."

Bartimaeus quickly turned into a small dog, safely out of Kitty's death grip. "Geez, Jones! I'm happy to see you too, but you don't have to go to such extreme-"

Before the djinni finished, the door jingled and yet another person stepped into the tiny bar. Kitty's song had inspired more patrons to sing and a short girl was singing "Like A Virgin" on the dimly lit stage.Kitty wasn't paying attention to the singer. She was looking at the newcomer who was still dripping wet from the rain, and appeared to be talking to a familiar looking bronze disk. The disk spoke.

"See, I told you she'd be here. And we could have gotten here a lot sooner if we'd taken a car..."

Bartimaeus replied to the disc. "Look, you know perfectly well what a car would do to my essence, so you can take your stupid car idea, and shove it right up your-"

Kitty screamed. The young man holding the bronze disk looked up just in time to see her fall to the floor in a dead faint. He tossed the disk to Bartimaeus, who just barely caught it, and reached for her. He got her just before she hit the ground. He took her outside, where hopefully the rain would wake her up, and left Bartimaeus and his scrying glass inside.

Kitty came to slowly. Had it all just been a dream? Some cruel joke? She opened her eyes, to see two brown eyes staring at her with concern. Those eyes, that face... it was him. But she had to know if she was right.

"N-Nathaniel?"

He nodded. His face was wet, and Kitty didn't know whether it was the rain, or his tears. She slowly got up from the ground and into his embrace.

"Nathaniel! But, how...?"

"Shh..." he whispered in her ears "We don't have to talk about that right now. In fact, we don't have to talk about anything."

His lips met hers. And to Kittty Jones, nothing else mattered. She didn't care that the short lady had stopped singing, or that she had been replaced by a voice that was most certainly Bartimaeus's, singing "Too Sexy", she didn't care that it was raining now even harder than before.To Kitty Jones, the world had just gpt brighter.

**Okay, I know i'm ,like, a reatrd for not reading Ptolemy's Gate before writing this, but if I got anything wrong...just plz overlook it. this is my irst Bartimaeus fac, so plz be nice wen u review. NO FLAMES PLZ!**


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